Who God Is » funny stories

A “WC” Funny Story

WhoGodIs — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:49:19 +0000

In the days when you couldn’t count on a public facility to have indoor
plumbing, a British woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered
to stay in a small guesthouse owned by the local schoolmaster. She was
concerned as to whether the guesthouse contained a WC. (In England, a
bathroom is commonly called a WC, which stands for water closet.) She wrote
the schoolmaster inquiring as to the location of the nearest WC.

The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew
the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters
and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a Wayside Chapel
near the house…a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster
wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from
the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded
by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on
Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer
months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing
room. This is an unfortunate situation, especially if you are in the habit
of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as
it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were
10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their
faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been
almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a
day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in
time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is
organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate
sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell, which rings
every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats
for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place
where you can be seen by all.

Sincerely,
Schoolmaster

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A Good Dose of Laughter

WhoGodIs — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 21:53:42 +0000

I definitely don’t laugh enough, and it is way too hard to find good clean things to laugh at if you are a Christian. Enjoy!!

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A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February & March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees & interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now it’s somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you that she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”

Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Citibank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau; maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Citibank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?”

Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor”

Supervisor gets on the phone.

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Citibank: (stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (lawyer info given)

Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (the fax number is given)

After they get the fax …

Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Citibank: “Well, the late fees & charges do still apply.”

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Citibank: “That might help.”

Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”

Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?”

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Funny Cartoon – Acts of God

WhoGodIs — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 20:11:30 +0000

It’s been awhile since I posted anything funny, so I thought you might need a laugh today.

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The Twelve Reasons That Will Make You Stop And Think!

WhoGodIs — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:48:37 +0000

Isn’t it amazing that we will use all the excuses below for not attending church, but we don’t mind putting up with the same thing somewhere else. This really made me stop and think.

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TWELVE REASONS WHY I STOPPED ATTENDING SPORTS EVENTS

~ Every time I went, they asked me for money.

~ The people with whom I had to sit by didn’t seem very friendly.

~ The seats were too hard and not comfortable at all.

~ The coach never came to call on me.

~ The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.

~ I was sitting with some hypocrites — they came only to see what others were wearing.

~ Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home.

~ The band played some numbers that I had never heard before.

~ The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.

~ My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.

~ Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches anyhow.

~ I don’t want to take my children, because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.

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Funny Story – Noah’s Ark

WhoGodIs — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 20:44:04 +0000

This story gave me a laugh, so I thought you might enjoy it also. I think I have been way too serious this week. Life can get you down if you forget to laugh every now and then.

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Noah’s Ark

Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.

A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.

The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. “Noah took unto himself a wife,” he began, “and she was” – he turned the page to continue – “three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high.”

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For a Good Laugh!

WhoGodIs — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 02:49:57 +0000

WHY DADDY DIDN’T COME TO WORK!!

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone # and was greeted with a child’s whisper

“Hello”

Is your daddy home? he asked.

“Yes.” whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?

The child whispered, “no.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your mommy there?”
“Yes.”

May I talk with her?

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes” whispered the child, “A policeman !!”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy.” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle……..

“ME !”

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23rd Psalm for the Workplace

WhoGodIs — Fri, 22 May 2009 03:06:52 +0000

I think we can all use and apply this wisdom.

23RD PSALM FOR THE WORKPLACE

The Lord is my real boss and I shall not want.

He gives me peace, when chaos is all around me.

He gently reminds me to pray before I speak and to do all things without murmuring and complaining.

He reminds me that He is my Source and not my job.

He restores my sanity every day and guides my decisions that I might honor Him in everything I do.

Even though I face absurd amounts of emails, system crashes, unrealistic deadlines, budget cutbacks, gossiping

co-workers, discriminating supervisors, and an aging body that doesn’t cooperate every morning, I will not

stop–for He is with me!

His presence, His peace, and His power will see me through.

He raises me up, even when they fail to promote me.

He claims me as His own, even when the company threatens to let me go.

His faithfulness and love are better than any bonus check.

His retirement plan beats every 401K there is.

When it’s all said and done, I’ll be working for Him a whole lot longer and for that, I bless His Name.

(from Mikey’s Funnies)

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This Gave Me A Good Laugh!

WhoGodIs — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:03:56 +0000

This is another Mikey’s Funnies. It gave me one of those really good laughs that you don’t get often enough, so I thought it might be just the thing to brighten your day.

AN “AD” FUNNY

The following is an ad from a newspaper that appeared four days in a row – the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day’s mistake.

MONDAY:

For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY:

Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones’ ad yesterday. It should have read “One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M.”

WEDNESDAY:

Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: “For sale — R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.”

THURSDAY:

Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don’t call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit.

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A Poem – Who Will You See In Heaven?

WhoGodIs — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:41:18 +0000

I don’t know who wrote this poem, but it certainly makes you think about what other people see in the way you live your life. Do people know we are Christians by our actions?

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A Cartoon – Too Much Finger Pointing!

WhoGodIs — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 19:33:28 +0000

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