There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New
England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a
rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit.

Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak…

“I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming
toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three
little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright.

I stopped the lad and asked, “What do you have there, son?”
“Just some old birds,” came the reply.

“What are you going to do with them?” I asked.
“Take ‘em home and have fun with ‘em,” he answered. “I’m gonna tease
‘em and pull out their feathers to make ‘em fight. I’m gonna have a real
good time.”

“But you’ll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do
then?”

“Oh, I got some cats,” said the little boy. “They like birds. I’ll take
‘em to them.”

The pastor was silent for a moment. “How much do you want for those
birds, son?”

“Huh?? !!! Why, you don’t want them birds, mister. They’re just plain
old field birds. They don’t sing. They ain’t even pretty!”

“How much?” the pastor asked again. The boy sized up the pastor as if
he were crazy and said, “$10?”

The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He
placed it in the boy’s hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor
picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where
there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the
door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting
them free. Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and
then the pastor began to tell this story:

One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just
come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. “Yes,
sir, I just caught a world full of people down there. Set me a trap,
used bait I knew they couldn’t resist. Got ‘em all!”

“What are you going to do with them?” Jesus asked.

Satan replied, “Oh, I’m gonna have fun! I’m gonna teach them how to
marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to
drink and smoke and curse. I’m gonna teach them how to invent guns and
bombs and kill each other. I’m really gonna have fun!”

“And what will you do when you are done with them?” Jesus asked. “Oh,
I’ll kill ‘em,” Satan glared proudly.

“How much do you want for them?” Jesus asked.

“Oh, you don’t want those people. They ain’t no good. Why, you’ll take
them and they’ll just hate you.. They’ll spit on you, curse you and kill
you. You don’t want those people!!”

“How much? He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, “All your blood, tears and your
life.”

Jesus said, “DONE!” Then He paid the price.

The pastor picked up the cage and walked from the pulpit.

The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew
the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters
and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a Wayside Chapel
near the house…a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster
wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from
the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded
by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on
Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer
months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing
room. This is an unfortunate situation, especially if you are in the habit
of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as
it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were
10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their
faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been
almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a
day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in
time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is
organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate
sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell, which rings
every time a person enters.  We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats
for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place
where you can be seen by all.

Sincerely,
Schoolmaster

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********************************************************************

Windshield Wipers

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick.

Suddenly, my son Matthew spoke up from his relaxed position in the front seat: “Mom, I’m thinking of something.”

This announcement usually meant he had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that his seven-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“The rain,” he began, “is like sin, and the windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away.”

After the chill bumps raced up my arms, I was able to respond.

“That’s really good, Matthew.”

Then my curiosity broke in. How far would my little boy take this revelation?

So I asked, “Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?”

Matthew didn’t hesitate one moment with his answer: “We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us.”

I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.

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A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February & March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees & interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now it’s somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you that she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”

Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Citibank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau; maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Citibank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?”

Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor”

Supervisor gets on the phone.

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Citibank: (stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (lawyer info given)

Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (the fax number is given)

After they get the fax …

Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Citibank: “Well, the late fees & charges do still apply.”

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Citibank: “That might help.”

Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”

Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?”

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TWELVE REASONS WHY I STOPPED ATTENDING SPORTS EVENTS

~ Every time I went, they asked me for money.

~ The people with whom I had to sit by didn’t seem very friendly.

~ The seats were too hard and not comfortable at all.

~ The coach never came to call on me.

~ The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.

~ I was sitting with some hypocrites — they came only to see what others were wearing.

~ Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home.

~ The band played some numbers that I had never heard before.

~ The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.

~ My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.

~ Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches anyhow.

~ I don’t want to take my children, because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.

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But isn’t that what God wants? A person who will trust Him enough to completely step out on faith for something that will totally fail unless God is in it!

Read about this fascinating story below:

A first-hand account of it is in a sermon delivered December 1, 1912 by Russell H. Conwell, pastor of Grace Baptist Church in Philadelphia.
Rev. Conwell said the little girl’s name was Hattie May Wiatt.  She lived near a church where the Sunday School was very crowded and he told her that one day they would have buildings big enough to allow every one to attend who wanted to.  Later, Hattie May Wiatt became sick and died.  Rev. Conwell was asked to do the funeral and the girl’s mother told him that Hattie May had been saving money to help build a bigger church and gave him the little purse in which she had saved 57 cents.  Rev. Conwell had the 57 cents turned into 57 pennies, told the congregation the story of little Hattie May and sold the pennies for a return of about $250.  In addition, 54 of the original 57 pennies were returned to Rev. Conwell and he later put them up on display.  This was in 1886 when 57 cents was no small savings account for a little girl from a poor family.  Some of the members of the church formed what they called the Wiatt Mite Society which was dedicated to making Hattie May’s 57 cents grow as much as possible and to buy the property for the Primary Department of the Sunday school.  A house nearby was purchased with the $250 that Hattie May’s 57 cents had produced and the rest is history.  The first classes of Temple College, later Temple University, were held in that house.  It was later sold to allow Temple College to move and the growth of Temple, along with the founding of the Good Samaritan Hospital (Now the Temple University Hospital) have been powerful testimonies to Hattie May Wiatt’s dream.

Click on the link below to read the full text of Dr. Conwell’s sermon.

The History of 57 Cents

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*****************************************************************

Noah’s Ark

Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.

A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.

The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. “Noah took unto himself a wife,” he began, “and she was” – he turned the page to continue – “three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high.”

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Try it and see what a huge difference it can make in your everyday life!

*******************************************************************************

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranging from 2 to 5 pounds.

The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.”

He continued, “If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight. But the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

“And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down.”

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)     (from Mikey’s Funnies)

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After a concert, Peter Stumf, the principal cellist of the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra, visited a frend’s house. He inadvertently left his cello in it’s case outside on the friend’s doorstep while he chatted with his friend inside.

A young man passing by on his bike saw the cello case outside the house. When he saw that there was nobody around, be quickly grabbed it and took off with it. When he was some distance away, he stopped to examine the contents of the case.

When he saw that it was a musical instrument he was so disappointed that he tossed it into a nearby garbage dumpster.

This young cyclist had no idea that this musical instrument, which is a cello is an extremely rare Stradivarius cello, and is valued at…. 3.5 million dollars!!!

3.5 Million and he had just thrown it away, where it sat amongst all the other heaps of rubbish.

When Peter Stumf found out that his priceless Stradivarius cello was lost, he was totally devastated.

Stradivarius instruments are extremely rare and priceless. They belong to the stringed instruments made by the Stradivari family in the 17th century. The best instruments were made by Master Craftman Antonio Stradivari between 1698-1720.

Back to our lost cello… a young woman passing by the garbage dump picked up Peter Stumf’s cello and took it home. she of course had no clue as to it’s value. She turned it around, examined it and thought of creative ways to use the cello.

She then struck on what to her was a brilliant idea… aha! she thought, she could bring it to her carpenter boyfriend and get him to cut it open, put tiny shelves in it, add some hinges so that it could open and close and use it as a CD Rack!!!

Thank God she discussed this with her friend who asked to see the cello. Following her instincts, her friend examined the cello closely and to their utter shock discovered it to be a priceless Stradivarius!

The friend recalled reading about this lost cello and … happily this 3.5 million dollar cello was reunited with its owner.

I would like all of you to think into this story with me.
When we don’t know the value of something, we could very well treat it as mere rubbish. Imagine treating a 3.5 million dollar cello as rubbish because WE DON’T KNOW.

What if we don’t know OUR OWN VALUE? What if we were all 3.5mllion dollar Stradivarius cellos and WE DID NOT KNOW IT?

We could very well throw ourselves away in a rubbish heap! Or we could very well end up as a cheap CD Rack

The problem of not knowing our own value means we don’t value ourselves. We don’t value ourselves enough to do everything we can to bring out the very best in ourselves.

To bring out the most beautiful music from our very hearts, our minds and our souls… because WE ARE ALL THAT 3.5 million dollar cello!

Each of us have to know that we are all God’s priceless creations.

And… you and I have within ourselves songs that need to be sung.

My friends, know yourselves, know your worth, know your value… so that we can all fill this world with the most exquisite melodies of lives fulfilled, of lives that have reached their full potential.

(From the blog chickensoupforyoursoul.blogspot.com)

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The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone # and was greeted with a child’s whisper

“Hello”

Is your daddy home? he asked.

“Yes.” whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?

The child whispered, “no.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your mommy there?”
“Yes.”

May I talk with her?

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes” whispered the child, “A policeman !!”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy.” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle……..

“ME !”

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