The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew
the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters
and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a Wayside Chapel
near the house…a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster
wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from
the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded
by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on
Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer
months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing
room. This is an unfortunate situation, especially if you are in the habit
of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as
it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were
10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their
faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been
almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a
day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in
time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is
organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate
sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell, which rings
every time a person enters.  We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats
for all since many feel it is long needed.

I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place
where you can be seen by all.

Sincerely,
Schoolmaster

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Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – practical ways to learn to live a victorious Christian life

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***************************************************************

A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February & March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees & interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now it’s somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you that she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”

Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Citibank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau; maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Citibank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?”

Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor”

Supervisor gets on the phone.

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Citibank: (stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (lawyer info given)

Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (the fax number is given)

After they get the fax …

Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Citibank: “Well, the late fees & charges do still apply.”

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Citibank: “That might help.”

Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”

Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?”

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The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone # and was greeted with a child’s whisper

“Hello”

Is your daddy home? he asked.

“Yes.” whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?

The child whispered, “no.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your mommy there?”
“Yes.”

May I talk with her?

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes” whispered the child, “A policeman !!”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy.” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle……..

“ME !”

***************************************************************

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Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – Practical ways to learn to live a victorious Christian life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

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The end result of that can be hilarious when you get older and finally understand what the passage was really supposed to mean. Have a good laugh today as you enjoy this story.

Shirley and Marcy

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school.

He didn’t want his mother to walk with him.

She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but

yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it.

She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the

mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn’t notice her.

She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would

be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed. The

next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following

behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.

She did this for the whole week. As the two walked and chatted,

kicking stones and twigs, Timmy’s little friend noticed the same lady

was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.

Finally she said to Timmy, ‘Have you noticed that lady following us to

school all week? Do you know her?’

Timmy nonchalantly replied, ‘Yeah, I know who she is.’

The little girl said, ‘Well, who is she?’

‘That’s just Shirley Goodnest,’ Timmy replied, ‘and her
daughter Marcy.’

‘Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?’

‘Well,’ Timmy explained, ‘every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd

Psalm with my prayers, ‘cuz she worries about me so much. And in the

Psalm, it says, ‘Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days

of my life’, so I guess I’ll just have to get used to it!’

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Practical ways to live a victorious Christian life

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car coming toward him and stop.

Without thinking about it, the guy got into the back seat, closed the door and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel! The car starts slowly; the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray begging for his life.

He hasn’t come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time right before a curve.

Gathering his strength, the guy jumps out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes to a restaurant and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was serious.

About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same restaurant. They looked around for a table when one said to the other, “Look John, that’s the dummy who got in the car when we were pushing it.”

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It’s a good thing God gave us a sense of humor. I think we all need to laugh much more than we do because laughter is a stress reliever. It is not easy these days to find humor that is truly funny, but clean.

The first video is Mom’s Overture and the second is Dadsense. They are both hilarious. Enjoy!

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=W95Y8hNQiH8]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtNGFh-dCe0&NR=1]

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A couple was going out for the evening. They got ready, all dolled up, set the lights, and put the cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple opens the front door, the cat zips back in between their legs and disappears up the stairs. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to find the cat and put it out.

The wife, worried about some recent break-ins in their neighborhood and not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver that her husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to her mother.

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab apologetically, “Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger and grab her by the scruff of the neck to get her to come out! Then she slipped away and ran into the closet, but I quickly trapped her in the corner and got a good hold on her.”

Now didn’t that make you feel much better!

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I’m so glad that God gave us a sense of humor so that we could laugh and keep ourselves from getting too serious with life; it can be overwhelming at times. Even in today’s medical world, laughter has been shown to be very good for a person’s health.

So hopefully this will make you smile.

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Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word

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